Христос Воскрес!

in case you didn't know, this weekend was Orthodox Easter.

the reason it doesn't fall on the same day as Catholic Easter is that the Orthodox follow the Julian Calendar whereas Catholics follow the Gregorian Calendar. it's a pretty long holiday and gets really tiring since mass is really long (2h1/2 on average per day (3)) and there are no pews but only a few chairs for the elderly ( not... ).

but what i really wanted to get to in this post was why i love Easter so much. Easter is a pretty big reason to dress up, and since women can't wear pants, it's much more extravagant. i love seeing what old Russian women wear. they either wear the craziest things or dress very elegantly. think of Eliza Doolittle at the horse race vs. Queen Elizabeth II. or just think of different characters in Anna Karenina or the wedding scene in The Deer Hunter.

the lights are turned off, the candles are burning, the choir is chanting solemn hymns, a baby's cry or old women's gossip occasionally break the eerie chants. nothing in this post could possibly come near to how intense and breath-taking the liturgy is.

i don't want to go on too much about it. what i want to add is that before Good Friday, i hadn't been to church in about 3 months. the problem was that i recently stopped believing in God. i felt that if i went to church, i was being hypocritical. i decided to go on Easter, however, i made sure not to go to confession or to communion. i didn't feel so bad that way. i missed going so much, just because it's a part of me that i lost touch with. when i was young i used to go every Sunday with my family and it was amazing. i used to think that the gates to heaven were on the ceiling of the church since it was painted white with angels. however, my church burnt down one winter night. they don't know if it was an accidental fire or not. many of my childhood beliefs also turned to ashes that night. i have a feeling that the Orthodox tradition outside of Russia will fall out in a couple of generations, as there are already signs of it. i'm proof. my Russian is pretty limited, and although i love going to church, i'm not so sure that i'll continue going once i move out of the house.

i feel like society these days is moving so fast that no one is taking the time to appreciate tradition anymore, we're all looking forward without any notion of the past. i'm doing my best to not get too caught up with everyday life (school, friends, hobbies) and take the time to go to church, but i know once my mom is off my back about going, i'll probably stop and find excuses as to why i don't go anymore.

dre